My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
smell my finger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
