we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
