just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
