I must be too annoying 4 u.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
