we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
