u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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