I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
