I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
