Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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