you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
