Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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