Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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