You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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