you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
