Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
