So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
