I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
