I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
