I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
