gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
