You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
