just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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