dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
