Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
where am i from again
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
