Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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