Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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