i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
