I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
