Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
