I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is Oprah even human
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
