My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
