i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
