You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
