im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize