yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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