I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
