I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
