I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
