Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
