Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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