Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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