I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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