Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
