I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
