I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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