is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
