She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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