i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
