So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
