It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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