Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize