I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize