How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this just has baby written all over it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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