something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
