Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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