guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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