is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
