I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All the doctor said was why
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
