so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
