Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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