oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize