I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
