His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
