dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
