there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
