Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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